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ALL GIRLS WILL HATE THIS...
1) What is the difference between women and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...
3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane,which one would hit
the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????.. ...
5) What did God say after he created woman?
(This ones THE BEST)
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man
6) What's the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ?
Answer:I don't know, I've never seen either.
7) What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
Answers: i) no mind ii) no business
8) What makes women chase men when they have no intention of marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles when they have no intention of driving (The Best in the lot)
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gill_ca
good one, especiallly number 4, 5 and 7.
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Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God says, œI want all the women to go with St. Peter. I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that ruled their women on earth and the other line for the men that were ruled by their women.
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men that ruled their women, there was only one man.
God said, œYou men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all dominated by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?
And the man replied, œI don™t know, my wife told me to stand here..
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Hallmark Card Rejects
I™ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I™ve changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
Looking back over the years that we™ve been together,
I can™t help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking?
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
that you™re not here to ruin it for me.
If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it™s your sister.
Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, though,
would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You™ll probably need it again.
For every year that goes by, Mother, I just
think of that inheritance getting closer and closer
I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected.
And while I™m dreaming, I wish you weren™t so damn ugly.
They say that an attractive human body is worth a million
dollars. Looks like someone robbed your ugly self.
When we were together, you always said you™d die for me.
Now that we™ve broken up, I think it™s time you kept your promise.
The holidays are a great time to be with family.
Of course, your family won™t be with you,
since I™m taking the kids and moving in with my sister.
We have been friends for a very long time,
let™s say we call it quits.
I™m so miserable without you,
it™s almost like you™re here.
If you ever need a friend
buy a dog.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
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1 At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
2 Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why the groom wearing black?"
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A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the
lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow
into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do
that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood
sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to
death."
"Well, then we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do
that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
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Need that job? Just send this one back:
Dear Mr. xyz,
Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful
consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to
accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an
unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a
varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible
for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your company's outstanding qualifications and
previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that
your rejection does not meet my needs at this time.
Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm
immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing
you then.
Sincerely,
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